Last week’s assignment touched on something I’d like to dive into a little deeper, which is the subject of understanding people complexly. The basic idea here (despite the name of it) is quite simple. To understand people complexly is to think of them in terms of their own life and experiences, and see them through the same frame of reference in which they see themselves. In practice, this can be quite difficult (as I’m sure you already know).
You’re probably familiar with the old saying, “Put yourself in their shoes.” What does this really mean, though? To put yourself in that person’s shoes is to understand enough about them that you can recognize the reasons why they make the decisions that they do. Very few (if any) behaviors that you encounter in everyday life are completely irrational. There are reasons for everything. These reasons obviously don’t always line up to our expectations, and often don’t even line up to the person’s stated values, but they exist.
So, (you hypothetically ask) if a person’s reasons don’t line up with what they tell us about themselves, how are we to figure them out? We observe their behavior. You can tell a lot about what matters to someone by paying attention to what they do. How do they spend their “me” time? How do they react to situations? How do they act around strangers? How do they act around friends? How… well, you get the idea. Paying attention and noting people’s behaviors can let you understand them more complexly, and understanding them more complexly can help you to get along with them better in almost any situation.
With all that in mind, this week’s assignment is to evoke three smiles, but each one must be created using actions/statements/etc. customized for the person you’re making smile. This will require knowing what will make that person smile, and not just doing something general. Obviously the very nature of this exercise requires that you know the person a least a little, so it doesn’t need to be strangers, but if you want to be an overachiever, you’re welcome to work on analyzing a stranger enough to do this.
P.S. My intent here is not for you to stalk people. I just want you to consider other people’s perspectives and motivations more deeply.